A Dichotomy-Waiting for Life and Waiting for Death

My life these days is explained well as a dichotomy-"a division into two usually opposed parts."
We are waiting for life....the life of our daughter, Melina, and at the same time waiting for death...the death of my father. We have been on a rollercoaster with both. We hear news that it is going to be soon that we hear something from China, then it is no, not for a few more weeks. Hospice says, it is going to be soon. We have been told several times,"two weeks" and then " a couple days" and it has been 2 months. It is nothing but waiting...and more waiting.
I am so glad that there is comfort and hope in it all though. I am thankful for this past week that I was able to spend at my parents helping take care of my father. Depsite his condition I had a great week with him. I enjoyed reading to him, praying with him and had wonderful conversation with him. God blessed the time we had and it was good.
Hospice Critical Care is back and Dad has been ready to meet His Saviour and be rid of his failing body. Pray that his prayer would be answered.
I am so ready to hear the good news of our little girl and to see her face. We are all hoping for a call in the next few days or by the early part of next week, but I am bracing myself for another 2 week wait. It is hard. My emotions inside are so confused! We watched a video of families receiving their children and we all cried. I cannot even imagine what that day will be like, but I am so ready for it.
As I have thought a lot about my dad I have thought a lot about one of my favorite Psalms and that is Psalm 73. I will not quote the entire Psalm, but it is a great one. Tonight, the verse that gave me comfort was a different one than usual...it is, "But as for me, it is good to be near God."

My Wonderful Covenant Family

I apologize that this is old news, but with all that has been going on with my Dad I have not had the time I wanted to spend on this one.
Earlier this month the Ladies in our church organized a garage sale to help raise money for our adoption. We had so many wonderful families donate a LOT of stuff and many that helped organize and price and then sell on Saturday. The forecast for that Friday and Saturday was NOT good, but it was great to see how God provided for us in giving us good weather...at least not rainy weather! He also provided financially. I was going to be thrilled if we made $1000.00 because I never do well with garage sales. Well, we made $2600...at a garage sale! Can you believe it!! Then someone also donated an extra $500. I still have a saddle that needs to be sold and I am waiting on 2 interested buyers!! Pray that it sells!
It just blesses my heart to be a part of such a wonderful church and I am overjoyed at being able to bring Melina into such a sweet covenant community. I am thankful that she has families that are already excited about her coming and are praying for her. Thank you Good Shepherd Church!

Making Preparations While Waiting

Today was busy with our little home school co-op, ballet, and gymnastics. I heard on one of my yahoo groups that there could possibly be a batch of referrals coming out this week. I have a hard time believing it, but it did get me moving a little. I washed some PJ's, blanket and socks that I had purchased for Melina. I am trying to get together a care package that I can send to the orphanage as soon as we know where she is. I packed some Mary Kay lotion, eye shadow and lip gloss, and some candy for the nannies and then the things I washed for Melina along with a cute stuffed bunny. I was able to find a free translator page online so that I could label all the things for them in Chinese. Now we just need to know who our little one is! Waiting patiently....

Update on Dad (a.k.a. Pop Pop)

First, the picture is of Pop Pop at Christmas.

Kelly and I got to Mom and Dad's on Wednesday and Dad did not look good. It was an emotional few days. However, by Thursday afternoon he was looking better and actually wanted a little something to eat! PBJ of all things! That is my favorite,too. Each day he looked a little better, stayed awake a little longer and ate a little more. Hospice Critical Care is probably going to pull out which is great but leaves us with a little dilemma. He still can't really move on his own because he is so weak and anything puts him out of breath and Mom is not able to help him. They still need someone there with them so Susan or myself will be taking turns, I suppose, to help them out.
I am currently back in Ocala for a few days. We will see what happens. Thank you all for your prayers during this time.
We are almost halfway through February which means we are getting REALLY close to having a picture of our little girl! I will be absolutely amazed and excited if I get to drive to Rockledge and show Pop Pop a picture of his new little girl!
There are a thousand things to do since I got back so I will post more later.
Happy Valentine's Day!!

Dad

This post is difficult to do. It is going to be choppy so bear with me. Dad took a turn for the worse this past weekend. I so wish I had a picture of Melina to show him, because he probably won't make it to March. Hospice is here around the clock now. Dad is on 2 oxygen tanks. Yesterday I got here with my girls and Susan's children. Susan was already here. Kelly flew in last night. For never really having a very affectionate father as I watched Dad lie there sleeping I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and hug him. I was able to feed him a little apple sauce and a boost and it breaks my heart. Yet, I am so glad that I was able to do that and that he had a little "alert" time where is eyes were opened. He told me to take good care of mom and her accounts and that his water cup should go to mom because she needs one. (hers broke in their car accident 4 years ago and she hasn't been able to find another good one!) I love him and will miss him.

Referrals, Friends, and Feelings

The referrals are in! No, we were not included and that is very okay. It is so exciting to see the pictures of all the little girls and to read others' stories. It is also exciting because we will definitely be included in the next batch! We can confidently say next month we will have our daughter's picture and name! O Happy Day!
Today I was able to spend time with a friend that adopted her little girl a little over a year ago. Thank you, Linda! It was wonderful. More than anything it gave me peace. As I have been reading online about attachment issues and other things I began to get a little overwhelmed. God was able to use today to simply remind me not to be anxious. He is in control and no matter what, it is going to be okay. It blessed my heart to watch as my girls played and interacted with Mikayla. They were sweet and gentle and will be a blessing to Melina and me!
I also had the privilege of seeing another special friend that is in the process of adopting a little girl from Kazachastan. I love being around her excitement!! She is so much fun and I need more of you, GRETA!! :) As I left her house and reflected on all the different emotions I have had I realized for the first time that there is something else mixed with my excitement-an ache. Today, for the first time, my heart ached for my little girl. I am ready.
Just a little longer, Melina, and you will then be with your forever family!